• Ordinary people. Extraordinary romance.

    Ordinary people. Extraordinary romance.

Mike the Honey Guy

For today’s #ThrowbackThursday, the wayback machine takes us to September, 2012. Mike the Honey Guy is a family anecdote told since 2012. The mention of honey is always followed by “Are you the honey guy?”

The Road to Hawaii, or how we sold (almost) everything, quit our jobs and moved to Oahu, as told by one family who is experiencing the journey.

Mike the Honey Guy, and no, it’s not a euphemism.

Mike the Honey Guy

Mike the Honey Guy

This morning, I was flipping through my digital cookbook (www.shopnsave.com, amazing. You can copy and paste recipes from magazine websites, sort by ingredients, create your own categories. I digress). Honey seemed to be an ingredient in most of the recipes I wanted to make. So far, honey has been off our grocery list as $5.00 for a little honey bear bottle seemed a little steep.

The next best thing? Do a Yahoo search for local farmer’s markets. My first stop was a nearby honey farm  site that seemed to suit my needs. It sold honey from mangoes and papayas and bananas and all things tropical. But why, I asked myself, have it shipped to me when everything in Oahu is so close (distance not traffic). I emailed the owner and asked if they sold their wares at any markets, grocery stores, surf shops, etc.

Less than a half hour later, my phone rang (set to Big Ben’s chimes) and Mike, the Honey Guy, was there to answer all my questions and give me the lowdown on the honey industry in Hawaii.  Apparently, it’s controlled by a drug honey cartel, which decides who and who won’t sell at said markets. Mike gave me waaaayy too much information on the benefits of honey and how others mistreat it. For example, leaving it in the hot sun, where it can heat to over 100 degrees, destroys something important and you’ll get instant diabetes. At least, that’s what I thought he said.

We decided to meet in a nearby town at a drug drop store at 6:30. I don’t know, but I think I’ve lost a gigajillion brain cells since moving. It never occurred to me to ask for a description of Mike. He’d be the guy with the drugs honey, right?

Six o’clock rolls around, and Aaron absconds with the car to escort Holli home from work. It’s been raining all day, and the roads are slippery. They slide home at 6:13, and Luke and I hit the road to the drug drop store. Every light is red.  ave I mentioned every single intersection has four lanes of traffic with separate left turn lanes and it takes five minutes for your turn? (I exaggerate) (not by much).

At 6:30 on the dot, we squeal into the drug drop store parking lot. Luke circles around like he’s on a cattle drive while I look for a man selling drugs honey out of the back seat of a seedy looking van. This is starting to sound like a mugging waiting to happen.

No Mike.

Mike the honey guy

No MIke, no honey

We hang around for a couple of minutes then Luke spots a guy sitting at a booth/picnic table (on the sidewalk?) and walks up to him.

“Are you the drug honey man?”

“Yes.”

“Are you Mike?  Do you have drugs honey?”

“No, that’s not me.  I’m a contract worker.”

“So you don’t have drugs honey?”

“No.”

Meanwhile, it’s still raining, and I’m trying to call Mike from the number I thought I’d programmed into my phone. No such number exists. I’m sure we’re going to be mugged, or Mike has some secret reverse phone number technology and is robbing our apartment while we’re getting drenched.

Finally, I figure out that I’d transposed two digits. I read off the correct number and Luke calls him.

“Mike, hey, we’re at the drug drop store, and we’re waiting for you. Oh? Yeah. Okay. No, why don’t you call us when it’s convenient.?No, I don’t think we can swing by your house (it was pitch black by now) Yeah, sorry to hear about your dad. We’ll do this later.”

Me: “What?”

“His dad died.”

WTF? HIS.DAD.DIED. What kind of flim-flam joint is he running? I guess, when your dad dies, taking care of business tends to jump to the bottom of the priority list. It happens.

We went home in the rain. Without drugs honey. I have a feeling I’ll have to change my phone number and email address. Mike will stalk me until I buy his drugs honey. I’ll be obligated to him for life for my drugs honey supply.

Sorry for your loss, Mike.I bet your dad was a hell of a beekeeper.

Cheryl Sterling currently resides in Waikele (the more upscale neighborhood of the official city of Waihapu even though she isn’t).  You can find her books on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

9-21-12 a.m. Update!  Mrs. Mike is delivering drugs honey to my doorstep today. I’m taking the knives out of the drawer.

9-21-12 p.m. Mrs. Mike is not coming. I fear for her life. She’s probably being held captive by the drug time honey lord.  Pray for her.

Cheryl Sterling currently resides in Waikele (the better neighborhood of the official city of Waihapu).  You can find her books on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

2018 #ThrowbackThursday update:

Mike and/or Mrs. Mike never made it with out honey delivery. One has to wonder.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinby feather
Read more

Universal book links like Books2Read help you keep your book links organized.

With universal book links, you need only one link to get your customer to wherever he wants to buy your book. www.cherylsterlingbooks.comUniversal Book Links can help readers find your books

Tired of using Post-its to keep track of where your books are for sale? Don’t want to update your website with “Buy It Here” buttons for Amazon, B&N, iBooks and anywhere else your book is listed? Universal book links are the answer!

Delete your spreadsheet! Books2Read.com has solved your problems. Amazeballs!

What is a universal book link?

From Books2Read’s website:

“Universal Book Links provide a single URL that an author, publisher, or fan can share online. Instead of linking to just one digital bookstore (or posting lots of links to lots of different stores), an author can share one Universal Book Link, and readers can follow it to reach the book on their favorite store.

The first time you click a Universal Book Link, it’ll bring you to a landing page here at Books2Read, where we’ll show you a list of all the bookstores connected to that book. You can click to see the book on any of those stores.

We’ll also give you the chance to save that store as your Preferred Store. If you do, we’ll automatically send you to that store whenever you click any Universal Book Link anywhere on the internet.”

For example, I can use books2read.com/u/bQZ6OZ for my book, What Do You Say to a Naked Elf? Click on the link, and you’ll be transported to all of the online stores where it is available to purchase. If I add more stores, Books2Read will update the stores. Instead of eight (or however many) link buttons on my web page or other promotional material, I only need to enter one.

The best part? IT’S FREE! As in F.R.E.E. No cost to you. Sign in at www.Books2Read.com, list your books, give them ONE link to gather the information from, and they’ll do the rest.

Just think, one less marketing chore for you to do. More time to write!

Save

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinby feather
Read more

How to write a villain. Creating a villain.

Character Development – Creating a Villain

Today’s post looks deep into the skill of creating a villain.

Your story contains many elements that are critical: a main character, a plot, settings, etc. One of the most important is the villain or the antagonist. He adds depth and flavor to your story, more so than any other secondary character.

Who is your villain? Your villain is your antagonist, your protagonist’s main threat to reaching her goals. He stands in her way, creates conflicts, and forces her to make tough choices that tests her and ultimately makes her stronger.Click To Tweet

Let’s dig deep into creating a villain.

Continue reading Creating a Villain #AuthorToolboxBlogHop

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinby feather
Read more